Being a Powerful Presence

Presence is something we have and yet how often do you put attention on how you are bringing yourself to a certain situation? If you begin by observing yourself in a conversation, a meeting, or when a challenge arises, you can raise your awareness with how you are being present or if you are not. Are you caught up in what others will think? Are you worried about the outcome? Is her mind chatter taking your attention? It takes practice to become self-aware of how you are being in any given situation and to fully put attention on the other person in the conversation. We all feel when a person is really present with us; they feel relaxed, patient and listen with their whole body. Look at the picture above – you can feel the woman’s presence focused on the man and the conversation they are having.

Part of strengthening your emotional intelligence is paying attention to how you are bringing yourself to the conversation. Become aware of your presence; self-awareness is the first step. The way to start working with presence is to start noticing where you are putting your attention. Create some reminder that triggers you to observe yourself. Then begin to shift your awareness to putting all your attention on the other person and what they are saying and how they feel. Notice the difference you experience between the two ways of being.

I had a client (Let’s call her Mary) that said she is always having to direct/control her kids and her husband. Her presence is very hovering, and Mary admitted she is very controlling. We had a discussion about control being a behavior that is based in fear. Mary was emotional thinking about how she had been communicating to the people she loved the most, and how she didn’t want to do that anymore.

I asked her how she would like to be. She said she would like to let go and not worry about the outcome of these various conversations and just roll with the flow. Mary identified a name for this part of herself that goes with the flow; she called her Ginger. I asked Mary when she worries where does she feel it in her body? Mary said her shoulders and neck tighten up, and she feels it in her stomach. Mary created a plan that every time those feelings arose in her body or she observed herself being controlling, she would think of Ginger and redirect her behavior and her thinking. This would bring her back to the vision of the presence she desired to be which was calm, relaxed and loving.

Mary began practicing this technique right after our call and had some amazing conversations with both her husband and her son where she was really present with her feelings, what they were saying and more aware of her own body and thoughts during the process. She began to feel more compassion for herself as well as the person she was speaking with and noticed how light and connected the conversations became.

Presence is something we are all aware of, and it has the ability to relax everyone in a meeting or stress everyone out. We have to take responsibility for how we want to bring our energy and our behavior in order to access the power of our presence. It takes practice and awareness to choose to make a positive impact with your presence.

Take time today and begin to observe yourself and where you put your attention when you are in conversations, and then create a strategy that will support you in bringing your powerful presence to those you meet.

Be Present,
Katie