How Shame is Betrayal of Self
I believe a big part of our pattern of shaming ourselves and each other is rooted in betraying our own truth – not feeling safe enough speaking up about how we are feeling and not willing enough to take the risk for fear of not being accepted.
It takes courage to ask for what you need and speak up for what you are feeling. When you do, you allow yourself to be seen and your truth to be shown. This is being vulnerable. The more courageous you are with sharing how you feel, the more it grows your confidence and gives others permission to do the same. It stops shame from happening.
So how does one stop betrayal of self?
The first step is noticing when you are taking an action or speaking words based on the need to fit in, to be liked or to be loved. These are likely moments when you are betraying your true self. Anytime we are trying to please others verses trying to please ourselves is always a clue.
We live in a people pleasing society, and the truth of people pleasing is that it is highly dysfunctional to honoring your truth. It tends to create a veil between our true selves and the external world. This clouds our vision of what we really need and desire.
Do yourself a favor today: drop the veil and start putting you first by:
- Asking yourself, “What do I need?”
- Name what you are feeling when you feel it.
- Choose an action that honors your truth.
The more of us that choose to make conscious how we betray ourselves, the more real our conversations can be. This creates connection and a practice of self-care and self-love. The more we all learn to love ourselves and each other without judgment, obligation or guilt, the happier and more inclusive we feel.