How to be Present with Self and the Choices You Make
To live an integrated life, the first step is developing internal and external strategies for how to be present with self and the choices you make for yourself, your team, and the company you serve.
Internal Strategies for an Integrated Life
Presence is something we have, and yet how often do you put attention on how you are bringing yourself to a certain situation? If you begin by observing yourself in a conversation, a meeting, or when a challenge arises, you can raise your awareness with how you are, or are not, being present. Are you caught up in what others will think? Are you worried about the outcome? Is someone’s mind chatter taking your attention? Are you multi-tasking? It takes practice to become self-aware of how you are being in any given situation and to fully put attention on yourself and the other person in the conversation. We can feel when a person is really present with us; his/her energy or presence is relaxed, patient, and he/she listens with his/her whole body. Look at the picture above – you can feel the woman’s presence focused on the man, and the conversation they are having.
In order to live an integrated life, we first have to put conscious attention on how we are feeling in each moment – noticing when our mind is focused on other topics verses the topic at hand. Part of strengthening your emotional intelligence is paying attention to how you are bringing yourself to the conversation; self-awareness is the first step. The way to start working with presence is to begin noticing where you are putting your attention. Create some reminder that triggers you to observe yourself. Then begin to shift your awareness to putting all your attention on the other person, what they are saying, and how they feel. Notice the difference you experience between the two ways of being.
External Strategies for an Integrated Life
I have a client (let’s call him Joe) that said he is always having to direct/control one particular employee on his team. His presence is very hovering, and Joe admitted he sees himself being very controlling (almost micro managing) and doesn’t want to be. We had a discussion about control being a behavior that is based in fear. Joe has the self-awareness regarding thinking about how he had been communicating to the people on his team, and in particular this employee, and how he wanted to be more empowering and build accountability with this team member.
I asked Joe how he would like to be. He said he would like to let go, not worry about the outcome of these various conversations, and just roll with the flow. Joe identified a name for this part of himself that he wants to go with the flow; he calls him Sam. I asked Joe when he worries, where does he feel it in his body? Joe said his shoulders and neck tighten up, and he feels it in his stomach. Joe created a plan that every time those feelings arose in his body or he observed himself being controlling, he would think of Sam and redirect his behavior and his thinking. This would bring him back to the vision of the presence he desired to be: calm, relaxed, and open.
Joe began practicing this technique right after our call. He had some amazing conversations with both his employee and other team members where he was really present not only with his feelings, but also with what his team were saying. In addition, Joe was more aware of his own body and thoughts during the process. He began to relax more and observed that the energy of his team was more relaxed when they were in conversations. Joe noticed how light and connected the conversations became.
Next Steps in Cultivating Presence
Presence is a powerful tool; it has the ability to relax everyone in a meeting, or stress everyone out. We have to take responsibility for the energy and behavior we bring to situations in order to access the power of our presence. It takes practice and awareness to choose to make a positive impact with your presence.
Take time today to begin observing yourself, where you put your attention when you are in conversations, and then create a strategy that will support you in bringing your powerful presence to those in your professional and personal life.
For more guidance on cultivating presence, click here to check out my online course, Be Whole Journey.